


We Carry Our Own Loneliness With Us

by badgerling



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Babbling, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Gets Therapy, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Talks Too Much, Copley is a good influence, Established Relationship, Exiled Booker | Sebastien le Livre, M/M, New Immortal, POV Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soft Booker | Sebastien le Livre, Worried Booker | Sebastien le Livre, background other characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:49:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28339506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgerling/pseuds/badgerling
Summary: Booker has news he doesn't really want to share with the team.
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre & James Copley, Booker | Sebastien le Livre/James Copley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 66





	We Carry Our Own Loneliness With Us

**Author's Note:**

> This feels like it could potentially spin into something longer, but it stands on its own too.
> 
> Not mine. Greg Rucka, Leandro Fernandez, Image Comics, and Netflix own them. No infringement intended.

Booker rehearsed what he was going to say as he listened to the phone ring. Or he tried to anyway. Mostly, the longer the phone kept ringing, he thought about his chances that Andy still had this phone. Or that she would even pick up a call from him. And why she hadn't even set up voice mail yet. Maybe he should have called from James's phone. Or a pay phone.

Andy might pick up then.

But Booker had brought this on himself. He was forgiven after he was rescued from Quynh. Brought back into the fold. But it had been too much. Everything that Quynh had done to him, the drowning, the keelhauling, it was too much. Booker could not forgive, not a woman he only knew from dreams of drowning, not as easily as the people that had known her for centuries. He had placed himself back in exile, said he still had several decades left.

It had hurt.

It had almost broken him.

Who was he kidding? He had broken before Quynh, during, and after, nothing had changed.

James - Copley, he had to remember to call him Copley in front of the others, Copley had been the only thing that had gotten through to him. Small jobs, things too insignificant to send an entire team of immortals after, and a card to a therapist who used to work for the CIA, so she would know about secrecy and someone not telling the whole story. He had given Booker something to hold on to, that renewed purpose the others had found too, and then...Well. And then.

Copley tasted like strawberry jam and honey the first time Booker had kissed him after breakfast, and everything had fallen into place.

Things had been better, definitely better, and then-...

"Hello?" Booker had expected Nile, if not Andy herself. Even Joe. But Nicky had just enough annoyance in his voice to tell him that he had been trying to get Booker's attention for a while.

"Nicky, hey," and that was all Booker could say at first because he hadn't actually planned what to say, his thoughts didn't flow easily anymore (a trauma response, according to Doctor Roslen, it would get better with time), but a smile still pulled at his mouth when he heard Nicky's annoyed sigh.

"Book-...," he started, but Booker jumped in before he could get started on whatever lecture he had planned. It was always a lecture, even when Nicky didn't mean it to be. Or maybe that was just the way he spoke to Booker. He had to shake his head finally to clear all those thoughts away too.

"Copley’s dead." There was no response on the other end of the phone, probably for a lot of reasons, probably a lot of it being the way Booker almost sounded flippant about it, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from talking just to fill that silence.

"What did you say that made Nicky start gathering weapons?" Booker hadn't even heard Nicky put the phone down, but he couldn't help the smile when he heard Nile's voice.

"Copley died."

"Why are you anywhere near Copley to know he died?" There was just a slight accusation in her voice, as if maybe Booker had killed him himself.

"We, um." This was actually the hard part to explain. Mostly because no one had ever really thought about the rules of exile and whether or not going on even small missions arranged by the guy sending the other team on big missions was an okay thing to do or not. It might have been too close, after all. "We were on a mission. Just one kid, family abduction, should have been easy in and out."

Nile didn't reply right away, and Booker could only imagine what was going on around her. The rest of the team probably reacted when Nicky moved, and all of them started loading up on weapons, packing bags, getting ready to flee whatever safe house they were in. Finally, Nile exhaled. "We'll take care of his house, make sure there's nothing about us anywhere. Lay low. I'll call when we're done."

"I was holding pressure on his wounds as he bled out, hoping one of the witnesses had called an ambulance, you know." Booker was babbling, he knew that, that was something else the therapist had talked about, about his need to fill the silence. That had been something from before Quynh, though, so it wasn't new trauma. He coughed, and shook his head slightly, letting his words trail off. He can see Nile nodding distractedly in his head, probably hoping Booker had some kind of point and was not just needing to vent. "I was holding pressure until he stopped bleeding." He took a breath. "And healed. And woke up."

That time he heard the phone drop, and it took a few seconds for someone to pick it back up. "What?" At least it was Nile again. Booker didn't know if he had it in him to be that overdramatic again. "You couldn't have started this whole conversation with that information, Book?" At least she only sounded annoyed, not angry. That was a nice change to how phone calls with the team usually went.

"Has anyone dreamed of him? I didn't, but I was there when he woke up, so...," Booker trailed off with a shrug that no one else could see.

"Yeah, no, I haven't, just a second," and he could hear Nile asking the others, her voice distant and indistinct as she held the phone away from her face. "I'm taking Andy's cursing as a no."

Booker nodded. "Right. Well. You guys might want to get here. You know what Andy says."

"Yeah. If he's dreaming about them, they're dreaming about him." Nile hung up without saying goodbye, and Booker just let out the breath he was holding.

"Fuck," he muttered as he looked up at James.

"I told you," he said, but Booker rolled his eyes.

"You could have been confused."

"You were hoping I was confused." Which was truer than Booker wanted to admit. After all, he could credit Copley with at least starting Booker on a healthier path, and now...well, actually, it was all up in the air. After all, as far as Booker knew, this had never happened before.

"It's about to get a little awkward, though. They're coming here."

"Ah."

"And you only have one bedroom." James made a sound of agreement, but he mostly looked amused. "And my stuff is everywhere in your one bedroom."

" _Our_ bedroom. You've been living here for a year, Sebastien." There was a smile playing on James's mouth, and Booker clenched his fist to keep from either punching him or kissing him. Just doing something to get rid of that smile. "They don't need to see the bedroom, you know." Booker made a disgusted sound at that, though. "Why are you worried about them finding out?"

"Because for centuries we've been the only ones, the only immortals, and now there's, what, four more? That we don't know about." That wasn't what James had asked. Booker knew that, but if he just kept talking, maybe James wouldn't realize that he hadn't answered him. That was stupid, and Booker knew that when James stepped over and reached up to cup his neck. The second there was skin contact, Booker's breath caught and his mind stilled and finally, he stopped talking.

"No. Why are you worried about them finding out about us?" James angled Booker's head up to meet his eyes. "We don't have to tell them anything," he finally conceded. Booker just snorted though, exhaling as he leaned up to press a kiss to the corner of James's mouth.

"They'll know anyway, and it's just...they won't work with you anymore."

"They already probably won't. I am bringing four more immortals into their lives. Unknown quantities at the moment." He smiled a little, turning his head to capture Booker's mouth fully. When he broke the kiss, Booker made a soft sound. "We'll figure it out. We always do."

Booker hummed thoughtfully at that as he leaned into James's touch. He pressed his forehead against his temple, just breathing for a moment before he finally replied, "We still need to hide my stuff."


End file.
